Meticulous Satire: Why Sarjis Alam and other mob leaders will miss Yunus

By Akhtaruzzaman Azad Meet Md. Sarjis Alam—Panchagarh’s third Nawab, Chief Machado of the northern chapter of the National Citizen Party (NCP), former Chhatra League worker, son of Atwari Upazila Awami League labour secretary Akhtaruzzaman Saju, son-in-law of BNP’s former Barguna district unit president Justice Lutfar Rahman, parliament member candidate from the Jamaat-led alliance, poster boy for multi-party democracy, and the junior edition of Khondaker Mostaq Ahmad.

Sarjis recently delivered a tear-jerker: “Dr. Yunus is gone, but his stain remains. People will start missing Dr. Yunus. It won’t take long—a maximum of a month. We had so much freedom back then; we’ll feel it when that freedom gets squeezed again. Whatever the boys wanted, they did. When they felt like barging into the Secretariat, they did. Crashing an adviser’s office? Easy. Five advisers in one meeting? They’d show up, yell, curse, and have a grand old time. Everyone will miss this freedom.”

My Personal Yunus Withdrawal Syndrome

Honestly, I’ve already started missing Yunus—deeply, tragically, operatically. I feel bad that Yunus is no longer in power. I can’t sleep at night. Showers happen fashionably late. From Fajr to Maghrib, I fast from food, water, intimacy, and even underwear (solidarity with the cause, you understand). In the dead of night, I accidentally press my own “freedom” button and end up writhing in self-inflicted freedom-pain.

Civil society leaders slam Yunus as ‘bigger fascist’

Mohsin Rashid vows to sue fascist Yunus for treasonous assault on Constitution

Write For Rights calls for arrest of Yunus, thorough investigation

Back in the Yunus era, writing required zero backspace. Now? Backspace needs pressure. Freedom needs pressure. Everything needs pressure. In those golden days, forty write-worthy scandals erupted daily—thirty-seven courtesy of the NCP’s Toddler Machados. I’d type till my fingers cramped, raking in cash like a cartoon villain. Alhamdulillah, I bought ten bighas in Lahore and a flat in Rawalpindi.

Now? The NCP’s Machados can’t set random fires, bulldoze houses for fun, or storm anyone’s home for “protection fees.” No chaos, no column inches, no income. My bank account is on a hunger strike.

NSI officer sacked for exposing Yunus vows to reveal more secrets

ACC is puzzled as Dr. Yunus and his cronies face a barrage of filth

Debapriya’s call for audit into deals under Yunus regime gains momentum

Machados Of The Advisory Council

I used to call the advisory council the “Machado Council.” Yunus himself? Triple-threat: Chief Machado, Peace Machado, and World Machado. These freshly minted terms carried mystical weight. Utter them, and people felt instant zen, existential fatigue vanished, and spontaneous unprintable orgasms occurred. But with Sarjis’s beloved Interim Machado Government vanishing, the invention of words has dried up. Tragedy.

Boring Governments vs. Mob-Friendly Nirvana

Regular political governments? Bland, sterile, and crow-barren. But mob-friendly, quasi-Pakistani, extra-constitutional Interim Machado regimes? Chef’s kiss. Writers feast on endless material. Exhibit A: In the last year and a half, I cherry-picked 235 incidents from the dying days of the Machado era and published a 352-page satire collection, Meticulous Satire, on January 20.

Chaos, Capitulation, Corruption: Yunus’ 559-day jihadist nightmare

Torch The Mir Jafar: Burning poster of fascist Yunus at Dhaka University

6 radical Islamist mob leaders of Yunus’ NCP become MP, pose threat to democracy

The book contains 33 pieces on Chief Machado Yunus, 21 on Law Machado Asif Nazrul, 3 on Culture Machado Farooki, 5 on Home Machado Jahangir Alam, 4 each on Chief Machado’s Press Machado Shafiqul Alam and Flotilla Machado Shahidul Alam, 3 on Chest-stone General Waker-uz-Zaman, 12 on the Interim Machado Government, 8 on Jinda Pir’s Jamaat-e-Islami, 9 on Jamaat’s B-team NCP, 18 on July Spirit, 5 on Pipinool, 17 on Desh-nayok’s BNP, 13 on the fugitive Awami League, and 50+ on miscellaneous issues.

Check the pinned post on my Facebook or the first comment for titles, prices, etc. Send a message for hard copies or PDFs via WhatsApp (only if you can send money instantly—don’t tease).

Yunus-Jamaat fascist regime turns judiciary into a slaughterhouse

Yunus, his Clinton friends appear in Epstein documents, raising eyebrows

Yunus In Epstein Files: Associations, networks, and unanswered questions

Shared Grief: Sarjis and I, united in penury

I get Sarjis’s pain. Losing Yunus has left me destitute, too. Can’t scrape together two meals of greens, can’t pay rent—my landlord is serving me half-moons (you know the gesture). Thinking of Sarjis-type covert Shibir activists, poet Bhabendra Mohan Ray Chowdhury (1902–1984) of Manikganj presciently wrote:

Have you ever thought, in this three-world universe, 

That’s what you’ve done, won’t go unnoticed? 

You won’t come back again and again—

Such a cherished life, such a human birth, you won’t get again. 

You won’t come back again and again.

Akhtaruzzaman Azad is an author.